Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Seems to be topic of the week with my science mates at uni, but I've always found discussions become increasingly circular, and painfully personal, on occasion. So I decided to take it to my blog, where no-one can argue, or interrupt. So there.

How many times have you heard this little cliche? How much truth do YOU think it holds? Do you think that to never know what something could have been, what someone could have become, and agonising over the 'what ifs' is easier than loving someone, then losing them, and then the grief that comes with that?

13 years ago today, I lost my little brother. He was nearly 3 years old when he passed away, and although I was only 6 at the time, he was a big part of my life, and I still miss him, and there are things that remind me of him in everyday life. The way that some kids eat icecream on a stick by grabbing the entire icecream and melting it all over them instead of holding just the stick. He did that aaallll the time. I loved him, but for a year or so after he died, I wished that I never knew him at all. There were memories, things that constantly reminded me of him, that just made it hurt all over again, that made me think that it would have been easier if he were never born... Now I know that that's not painless either...

I know a woman who had a stillborn child, about 2 years ago now. Her pain was overwhelming and intense, I can't imagine what it's like, to have a little person growing inside you for 9 months, then pass away before you can get to know and love him/her. She keeps casts of his feet and hands on the wall in her home, with "I wanted to love you" inscribed in the frame.. She says that to have loved this little boy, if he lived, and to have known him for a day, then the grief would have been easier to deal with...

In regards to relationships, by loving someone and then losing them, you have had that time to remember, those good times, but then the pain that comes with the loss. By not knowing, or loving, you have gained nothing and lost nothing. Is that better?

Is it really better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all?

I don't think so, do you?

~Rest in Peace, lil' brother... 19/11/1994 to 19/09/1997 ~

Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child...

-

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defence attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.

~Barbara Alpert

I stumbled across this little gem while I was chilling out from a hardcore night of study and lecture-catching-up-on (Long Live Lectopia!).

Now, I have 3 little sisters and reading this I know that every element of this statement is pretty much true. For the most part of my life, I've shared a room with the oldest of these 3. As a child she was literally my mirror, we looked like twins and with a strategically planned haircut, you couldn't tell us apart... Which made for great fun at school, getting the teachers confused and even a couple of our classmates. As we grew into young women, though, we were less like a mirror and more like negative print of one another. She's ultra-sporty, I have old sporting injuries which mean I have to lay off a bit; She's into accounting and economics and I can't stand the stuff; I'm into forensics and criminal studies, things that don't really appeal to her; I'll go out to the tav or pub and have a couple of drinks and pool with mates but sh'es not a fan of that kinda scene. I see possibilities in her that she sometimes hasn't seen, and we encourage each other when we're not at the top of our game... That said, it's interesting how much it changes as you get older.

 

She's still my partner in crime, as are the younger two, and we'll all gang up on the 'rents if the situation arises.

 

All three of my sisters have taught me many a little lesson, and I have done the same for them I hope... Here are a few:

1) If it's your job to do the dishes, try to make plans with mates for the evening and conveniently forget about the chore.

2) 2 words - corruption and bribery (lollies work brilliantly, as does a little blackmail).

3) If you're running late for school and mum threatens to take you to school in your pjs, you best hurry quicksmart, because she'll do it (that one was unfortunately from experience).

4) With a good flashlight and even better hearing, you can get away with reading a book under the covers for most of the night (until you fall asleep, that is).

5) If you ask dad for extra computer time, you'll get 10 or 15 minutes, if you ask mum, you'll get 5 (but she'll actually set the timer for 10).