Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Seems to be topic of the week with my science mates at uni, but I've always found discussions become increasingly circular, and painfully personal, on occasion. So I decided to take it to my blog, where no-one can argue, or interrupt. So there.

How many times have you heard this little cliche? How much truth do YOU think it holds? Do you think that to never know what something could have been, what someone could have become, and agonising over the 'what ifs' is easier than loving someone, then losing them, and then the grief that comes with that?

13 years ago today, I lost my little brother. He was nearly 3 years old when he passed away, and although I was only 6 at the time, he was a big part of my life, and I still miss him, and there are things that remind me of him in everyday life. The way that some kids eat icecream on a stick by grabbing the entire icecream and melting it all over them instead of holding just the stick. He did that aaallll the time. I loved him, but for a year or so after he died, I wished that I never knew him at all. There were memories, things that constantly reminded me of him, that just made it hurt all over again, that made me think that it would have been easier if he were never born... Now I know that that's not painless either...

I know a woman who had a stillborn child, about 2 years ago now. Her pain was overwhelming and intense, I can't imagine what it's like, to have a little person growing inside you for 9 months, then pass away before you can get to know and love him/her. She keeps casts of his feet and hands on the wall in her home, with "I wanted to love you" inscribed in the frame.. She says that to have loved this little boy, if he lived, and to have known him for a day, then the grief would have been easier to deal with...

In regards to relationships, by loving someone and then losing them, you have had that time to remember, those good times, but then the pain that comes with the loss. By not knowing, or loving, you have gained nothing and lost nothing. Is that better?

Is it really better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all?

I don't think so, do you?

~Rest in Peace, lil' brother... 19/11/1994 to 19/09/1997 ~